it's hot out there for a blimp

california + summer	global warming	+ being overweight = bad

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nine steps out of hell (a comedy of a sort)

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thank god for terrorists
first, it should be noted that my title is not serious. i wouldn't thank god for anything, even if he did bother to exist. second, i should clarify my thankfulness. without the so-called "terrorists" commandeering planes back in ought one, airline prices might not have been so cheap and sarah (now my wife) would not have been able to afford five flights between her home in pennsylvania and california inside a half year or so and we wouldn't have ever moved in together and we wouldn't be married

but, enough about that. in other news, it's just coming out that, back in march, a handful of us soldiers deliberately murdered the family of a young iraqi girl they saw while running a roadblock, just so they could have the time to rape her before they shot her and burned her (and her family's) remains

and, on that light note, i should mention that north korea has been firing off some missiles of late, one of them supposedly with a long enough range to reach alaska, and apparently this was breaking news the other day, cause we all know that 1) alaska is the #1 target of all sovereign nations with missiles and 2) if something is breaking news it just has to be important, nevermind all the car chases we get here in southern california that make "breaking news" status then mean nothing by like the next day--and that's if you're a car chase enthusiast

but, of course it matters that north korea has long range missiles, cause that means we can act threatened and act more justified in killing foreigners half a world away. you know, pretending that north korea will ever actually be a problem for us. but, nuclear warheads involved or not (in this test case, of course, not) japan wants the UN to get some sanctions going against north korea, cause such an evil, horrible place as our forever and constant enemy of eastasia, er, north korea wants to fire some nuclear weapons at us--or at anyone for that matter--a little slap on the wrist (aka sanction) oughta put a quick stop to that. bureaucracy trumps evil everytime, right. that is how god threw lucifer out of heaven, afterall, by passing sanctions against guys with horns

and instead of raping young iraqi girls, we should just be sanctioning them. cause sanctions never created any "terrorists" now, did they?

a haiku lament
first love in high school
dating... spring break... something more
a felled tree remains

apparently, i wasn't meant to be a writer
watched why we fight yesterday and actually felt like writing something politcally themed today, maybe about the war, more likely about something more specific, like the attempt to get flag-burning illegal again (which apparently only lost by one vote. but, i can't find any news headlines about that and the other news is boring, britney spears posing nude, president bush fighting about gitmo detainees, babar turning 75, nothing riveting

so, i did some work from home this morning for a couple hours, then had a go at fixing a pdf for a self-published (through cafepress) novel, but the margins got screwed up, and i'm not sure i've got a cover for the damn book anyway. figured out pdf stuff and even bought an old copy of adobe acrobat just so i could self-publish a few things, all my attempts at actual publication being abject failures, and i can't even manage that. oh well

so, apparently, i wasn't meant to be a writer

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just listening to pandora and doing not much
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: pandora
quick rundown of a few things:

• grew up in a cultish church (the worldwide church of god)
• attended that church's private school (imperial)
• didn't have a proper (or at least semiproper) date until i was 17
• didn't have a girlfriend until i was frickin' 23, pathetic late bloomer that i was, and that girlfriend, like the two subsequent ones, was met online
• dropped out of college (this was before that girlfriend thing, but i just thought of it) where i'd intended to get into the film school... that college was usc
• moved to tennessee and then arkansas to be with the second girlfriend. that ended so well that i came running back home to california (where i should probably have stayed in the first place)
• asked my wife to marry me... actually, told my wife to marry me just a few days after we met for the first time in person. we were actually married in vegas two weeks after she managed to move out to california just a handful of months later
• been writing off and on since at least the fourth grade--i've even still got a copy of a couple pages of a silly little story called the black lion i wrote way back then--but of late i've been lacking the initiative and/or will to really get into it again. set my hopes on a few specific chances at publication that didn't pan out. if i'd just been doing like i did a little over a decade ago, sending out stuff so regularly that rejections weren't that big a deal, it wouldn't be so bad, but i don't know enough about ... well, any of it, i guess.
• so, i look after kids and i watch tv and i drive my wife around and occasionally have sex, like last night, and build stuff with lego blocks... odd juxtaposition there, i suppose, but i won a lego contest recently and am working on something big today probably, and can't have sex again until at least tonight, so fuck proper order and propriety or what have you
• anyway, gonna show hayley how to do a few things on the computer today, then maybe make a quick trip to target for a few things, and probably stop by blockbuster--it is new movie day, afterall--and maybe put on a movie while i deal with lego stuff
• not that anyone reading this needed to know all that
• just sayin'

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visual food for thought

the world ended 34 years ago. we just missed it
Mood:  down
i'm of a feeling that herbert armstrong* was right all those years ago when he said the world was going to end in 1972. i mean, it's done nothing but go to shit since, right? and i was born four years after the end of the world, which, if i had some ambition, could put me right in line to take the role of damien thorn or nicolae carpathia or george w bush. but, ambition fades, life goes on, though the world is left behind in ruins, metaphorically speaking of course. wars and rumours of wars, like my original website back in '99 claimed for its theme**, and overpopulation and deforestation and the squandering of fossil fuels and all that jazz, and what's got me worried these days? is it the price of gas, the deaths of soldiers on the other side of the world? wars and rumours of wars, the end of the world. america's got talent and you think you can dance and treasure hunters and fucking malbu beach and a dozen mtvs and only half play videos anymore, and the sci-fi channel is airing law & order and wrestling

at least shannon doherty and that scrawny baldwin aren't selling pathetic scare tactics. that could be one sign that the apocalypse may be ending

it's summer. it's hot. and, i'm overweight and overwrought, and there's a lethargy setting in that makes me want to stop trying to control my world and change that larger one and just settle into my piece of the puzzle, the pie, the machine***

i think i'm ready to just be a cog, a robot, a citizen, to stop railing against the system, to stop ranting against the world and just let things be. it's only going to get worse, the world. there's nothing you or i can do to stop it, so we might as well enjoy the ride. the carousel is broken**** so hold on to your horse and fly away like mary poppins and those silly british kids, to narnia, to never never land, to whever you need to pretend you are to keep life from getting you down

or you... we... i... could all just give up and go live in a van down by the river

--insert laugh here, but don't make it too big a laugh cause that's wasteful--

* it should be noted that i grew up attending armstrong's church every week for 17 years, so while that 72 date was past, the end of the world was always so damn fucking nigh, putting a bit of a damper on quality social development

** my first "essay" on that original website was drawing connections between kosovo and columbine, for those of you who wouldn't know that by now

*** mixed metaphors were jesus' true gift to mankind

**** one more metaphor for the bunch. gotta love it

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a new, albeit brief, introduction to
i'm a cynical, pessimistic, sarcastic, sardonic bastard. spend a minute around me, you might get really annoyed, spend five and you might start to appreciate how all the new arrivals get annoyed by me. i'm a loner but i've got a wife (four years married now) and three kids. i watch a fair amount of television (less than a lot of people, but it always seems like more cause i put more effort and energy into it). i read when i can, novels and comic books, i get out of new movies when i can and i rent a good number of them (i've got the blockbuster pass so i can pick up a couple movies at a time and just pay a monthly fee). i write... or at least, i used to write. i haven't kept it up of late; been settling into my chair on the bitter and used up writer wannabe board of directors. i work part time, i look after kids, i build stuff out of lego blocks and occasionally i rant about politics and movies and life and whatever shit comes to me

and no one listens

not even you

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